Shocking Twist

Because there is never a dull moment in adoption... why would today be any different?  Don't think that just because you have plans it means its going to work out the way you want it to...

Part of our son's investigation was for his auntie who relinquished him, to come to Kampala from Tororo to be interviewed by our attorney and sign the right documents.  We heard this happened last week and heard it was "good."  On Friday the agency stated they were hoping to get updates on the children this weekend, so this morning I emailed to see if those updates came through.  Well... no... they didn't... but another one did. 

The real update:

Auntie came in with family elder.  They sat down with the attorney to start the investigation.  Suddenly it became clear that she was contradicting herself, and wasn't being honest.  The original story was that our son's mother died shortly after child birth.  He lived with two aunties before being relinquished.  His father was unknown, but mom had given a name before her death.  Well.... this auntie stated she couldn't remember her sister, didn't know where she was buried, there was no family that did know.  The attorney caught on stating that this story would never pass court or embassy.  They broke for the day, giving auntie time to regroup.  Auntie called orphanage director in the wee morning hours, stating she needed a meeting asap.  Barbara went to her right away.  Auntie was crying.  Auntie stated that she needed to make a confession.  Auntie isn't auntie... auntie is momma.  There is a very long, hard story that follows.  I will keep my son's adoption story as private as possible, but I will say, I understand why auntie/momma did what she did.  I have NO ill will towards this woman for her lies.  I am so sad about her life and these circumstances.  This news threw me for one of the biggest loops of my life today.  I am still digesting all of this information.

Here are the big questions.  What will this do to our adoption journey.  Well... no one really knows right now.  It sounds like we can move forward, she is committed to her adoption plan (for many reasons I won't go into on a public blog).  However, all of the previous paper work is now null and void, which starts us at square one... again.  Kill me... I mean... I am trying to stay as positive as possible.  The bottom line is, we would have never left Kampala with our son had she not been honest about her relation to our son, no way would her story of held up, there is no grave, and a lot of the other info wouldn't of held up.  So 1.  I am grateful.  I wish so much we were in a position where we could comfort this woman.  I am pretty sure her heart is breaking even more than mine is at this very time, which is hard to imagine.  However, the US Embassy would never pass us if they knew we had contact pre legal Guardianship, and I understand 100% why and would never jeopardize that.  However, wow.  Just wow for tonight.  My head and heart are spinning wildly out of control tonight. 

I learned so much about a mother's heart today.  So much.  Most I wouldn't be able to comprehend if I had never been on this path.  I also got schooled on the real ways of the world today.  The harsh realities of the world apart in which we reside.  I think this was the biggest wake up call of my life. I have always said I have learned so much from this process.  Clearly God thinks I am not done learning.  Clearly there are many more messages I need to receive.  I just wonder what the outcome of all of this will be for me.  My heart already breaks for the orphan, the mother, the widow.  I know God has another plan for me, and I think today was part of it unfolding.  I wish I knew more... but I am sure tomorrow is another learning adventure, and I know our trip will be one long lesson.  What I don't know is how much more my heart can take.  I am the definition of hurting.  I can't eat, I can't sleep.  I am working crazy over time to make sure my foster children will be well taken care of while I am with my own child.  I think I am "burning the candle at both ends."  This info just made it all the more difficult... I know there is more coming.  I know this is just pandora's box.  I am just hoping pandora has sunshine and rainbows and court dates and passing embassy appointments instead of what pandora usually has... the storm that has been brewing for 1.5 years transpired to kill me make me stronger. 

Please, please, please, send good thoughts for this trip. 

Rose

Today is Mother's Day, a wonderful holiday for some, a difficult heart breaking holiday for others.  Today for me, was bitter sweet.  I don't think people knew what to say, we are in the process of adopting, leaving for Uganda soon to be with our son, but isn't ours yet, so is saying, "happy mother's day" harmful, appropriate, I totally understand!  It gave me a really good perspective as to what other women were feeling today. 

1.  My son's mother.  Rose Adkin.  The woman who made our dreams come true.  What can you say?  Thank you doesn't cover it.  She gave her life, so that our son could have his.  There are no words.  We went to the Grotto today and lit a candle in her honor, I know it doesn't cover the thank you she deserves, but I have the rest of my life to show her our appreciation.  We will share him always.  Her name will be a house hold name, said every day in our nightly prayers.  Thank you Rose.  Happy Mother's day.

2.  My Mother.  Happy Mother's day mom!  Thank you for all your support on this amazing journey to my own motherhood.  You have taught me the deepest compassion for others through your own work.  Thank you for all that you do and have done.  Happy Mother's day.

3.  To all the birth mother's with out there children today.  I wish them all a happy mother's day, with peace and comfort in their hearts.  Happy mother's day. 

4.  To all the waiting adoptive parents.  Happy Mother's day to you all.  The day you turned in those papers that said yes, pick me, you became a mother.  Happy Mother's day. 

5.  To all the mom's that have lost their children.  Especially this mother. That blog broke my heart, and continues to break my heart.  Especially on mother's day.  In addition to the death of children, there are other losses.  I am a child welfare worker, and I know first hand that the bio parents of foster children, are hurting today.  I hope for them to make the sustainable changes they need to make in the best interest of their children in a reasonable amount of time.  Happy Mother's day.

There are many kinds of mothers, and I think today, in all of it's good intentions, should recognize all of those types.  A very happy mother's day to all today.

Support!

First off, thank you all who donated to our son's orphanage.  I think we have enough money for vitamins and some shoes for the children!  I set the bar low thinking if we got any donations it would be sooo helpful, because of course Philip and I would buy vitamins for the orphanage.  But with the generosity and support of others, we will be able to buy a very good supply of vitamins.  There are some older children at the orphanage, and I hear they need shoes, so of course we will be buying them shoes as well.  Thank you sooo much for the reposts on facebook.  I have never "gone viral" before, and the comments about our journey were just really nice to read.  Thank you!

I was able to speak with our agency today.  No updates yet on the possible court date.  We just keep hoping and praying we will hear soon.  However, we were told today that our orphanage director has set up a meeting with Philip and I, our son's grandmother, aunties and any other family member that wants to meet us.  I asked for more specifics, such as where this meeting was taking place.  No further info is known.  I just can't help but feel so honored to meet his family.  The biggest blessing is that we will have stories to tell our son about his mother.  That is huge for any orphan.  Who am I?  Where did I come from?  What were my first few years of life like?  Who did I live with?  Why was I moved?  Why was I adopted? 

I had prepared myself to never know the answer to these burning questions.  I had resided myself to never know anything about his mother, other than the fact that she made an ultimate sacrifice, her life.  I have always offered her thanks and made her promises that I will spend my entire life living up to.  But to know the story, the real story, and be able to pass that on to our oh so beautiful son, is just 1. amazing 2. unheard of 3. a huge blessing 4. overwhelming thought 5. wow. 

Now I think about how to greet his family.  I know there are specific rules in Hague Countries about bringing family members gifts.  It is perceived as you buying their child.  However, my Italian and Native background dictates that you don't show up empty handed.  What do I do??  I really really want to buy the family a goat... I would have our orphanage director do the haggling, as my white skin puts me at an obvious disadvantage, tourist prices.  Is that a crazy thought?  I would think a goat would be an economic gain to his family.  It has milk, they could kill it and eat it (and I wouldn't be sad as long as I wasn't there to see it or be asked to eat it, or know it was killed), did I mention they could milk it?  I also don't want to give the impression we are trading a farm animal for the very precious gift of our son.  I really really don't know what to do.  Please, anyone that has ever been in this situation, or even thought about being in this situation, I need help!!

 We are coming so close.  I can't wait to hold my son in my arms.

Sponsor a Beanie Baby...save a life

I am just sooo excited to almost be in the 10 day forecast for Kampala!!!  I check it every day, not that it changes that much, and from what I hear "hot and humid" is pretty much the norm.  Bring it.  I think Philip will be a puddle, but this former East coaster can handle the humid (I hope). 

Ok, now out of my nerd alert mode and into my serious mode.  The orphanage has made a request for children's vitamins.  This is a pretty serious need.  The bottom line is, we have so many other donations that we are packing, that we won't be able to carry all the vitamins we need to.  So here is my brilliant idea. 

We have had a massive amount of beanie babies donated to us to bring to the children.  We are asking that you pick a beanie baby to give to the children of ABATO Orphanage (where our darling son lives).  Please send a donation via the button on the side of the page.  Please feel free to shoot a message of hope and love for the child with your donation.  ALL proceeds will be taken to Kampala and we will buy the vitamins when we get there.  Win win, putting money into Kampala's economy, they might be slightly cheaper so we can purchase more, we will be able to buy more than we would be able to pack!  Win Win right??

So please, if you can spare any amount of money to buy vitamins for the children, please do!  We leave in some time period of approx 2-3 weeks (no exact dates due to the safety of our family traveling). 

Please pick a beanie baby to give to an orphan!  At the same time you are giving them their daily multi vitamin, which I know was a life saver for my son when he entered care!

Thank you all!!

Chose your beanie, make your donation, add a loving note to an orphan and in the end, they all get their daily vitamins! 

Prep Work

Our son resides at an orphanage with about 15 other children.  Most are around his age, 1.5, and there are others that are slightly older, 6,7,8.  About 7 or 8 of these children are matched to families in the states, which leaves 7 or 8 that aren't matched.  An email was sent by the agency to all other adoptive parents to mail us a small care package to bring to their children as we are the first parents to travel.  Philip and I have committed to bringing a care package to the unmatched children, so today is the day we did a little shopping.  We know packing is going to be torture fun, so we are trying to buy packable items, non choking items because of the smaller kids, and activities, because while I wish so much we would have a lot of one on one time with our son, me thinks the 14 other children might have something to say about it, and we totally understand that too. 

So here is the plan:

All the kids are getting a new toothbrush and toothpaste.  This has always been on the orphanage needs list from what I have seen, so check.

 We thought a fun activity would be to bring these wood cut outs, construction paper, some glue sticks, and tons of crayons.  IF all goes according to plan, we will bring back the wood cut outs fr the adoptive families.  If it doesn't, its a fun activity to do with all of the children.  Maybe the orphanage has life story books going?  Maybe they have packets for the adoptive parents?  I just don't know.  Maybe they will all get broken on our 24 hour flight.  We just don't know! 

 Here is an item on my wish list.  I really really want my son's hand print, especially if he can't come home with us on this trip.  I have NO idea if we are going to be able to do this with him or not.  Maybe we won't have one on one time.  Maybe he hates clay?  Maybe its too messy.  Maybe it will all work out perfectly and I will get my son and his hand print.  Who knows??  If I can pack it... I am risking it. 

 Coloring books, construction paper, many durable cardboard books for the orphanage, an Alphabet banner to hang up in the orphanage, pooh bear flash cards to learn colors and shapes, Princess Tiara flash cards to learn numbers.  Learning is good.

So there it is, so far.  I also have boxes of crayons, some play dough, stuffed animals and some other fun things to bring the kids.  We will see how much more this pile grows until we leave!  What I do know is that we can't wait to get there! 

It's time folks!

We got an amazing update today after what felt like forever of not hearing from our attorney.  His estimated timeline is one month to submit our paper work.  He is saying that we will have a court hearing two weeks after our paper work is submitted.  That is the most amazing time line I have ever heard.  I am so happy!!

With that said, I am not posting our exact time lines for coming or going to Uganda, because I learned my lesson while on the Mali track with Al Qaeda potentially reading my blog, but lets just say maybe we aren't coming back empty armed from our first trip over to Uganda. 

The thought of bringing home our son just floods me with joy.  All the good thoughts, the prayers, the pleading with the universe, the candle lighting, its all working!!! 

An email was sent to our attorney with our travel dates to see if he could make things line up.  I have NO idea when we will hear back with more information, but to know that our timeline is so do-able, that the chances of him being home by his second birthday are real, I am speechless!  I am staying as wildly optimistic as humanely possible. 

The mere thought of this crazy roller coaster of an adoption journey coming to its close, where we can all be together and stay together, that it is actually going to happen (because there were some doubts there)... well I am just blown away.  "Worth the wait" just keeps coming to mind.  This journey has tested everything I possibly have.  I would say I have quite a few more grey hairs than when this all started.  I would also say I have a few more pounds than when this started.  I think I am calling them both my battle wounds.  That sounds catchy and appropriate!  I will also say that I am a strong person because of this journey.  This journey has brought my husband and I closer than I ever imagined.  In a way, I am grateful for the wait, which no one reading this I imagine would ever thought they would hear me say, but really, what this wait did to me was miraculous.  Adoption isn't for the faint of heart, I have heard it a million times.  You wouldn't know your heart was faint until you did an adoption though and by that time its too late... so I think "Your heart wont be faint after your adoption." would be more appropriate. 

I can only hope that this is all really going to go down like this.  I also hope the US Embassy gets the "things are going well...don't mess with us" memo.  I mean who knows.  Minimally, our son would be legally ours in Uganda!  He could come home to our hotel with us.  He could wake up with us.  He could have his two parents to himself. 

Ahhh the good ol' thoughts!  Keep em' coming friends and family!  We appreciate all the support!!

The One

Oh ya folks... THE ONE you (and most certainly we) have been waiting for............................

WE BOOKED OUR FLIGHT TO UGANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It really happened... I really pushed "buy these tickets now", I really did that! 

We are going to see our son, our beautiful beautiful wonderful amazing blessing of a son!! 

The reality of this is above me right now.  The thought of taking the longest flight of my life is really overwhelming... but at the end of that rainbow is my son!  I can do this!! I will do this... I am doing this!  Our adoption is moving forward!!  This is just our "metcha" trip, not our "getcha" trip, but we all know what comes after "metcha" is "gotcha", which again means we are getting closer to being a complete family.

I can't believe I will have to leave him at the end of 3 weeks as a family.  I tear up thinking about it, and I have been asked a few times how I will be able to leave.  The truth is, my heart has been in this adoption for 1.5 years, from the moment we saw our son's face, I haven't been whole, and I won't be until we are all home together.  Me leaving him in Uganda after 3 weeks of being together will no doubt sending me spinning to the depths of depression, but hopefully, a court date will be coming along shortly after we get back (we really don't know)... so hopefully that will keep me from hitting the ground.  Believe me, I will be crying for the entire 24 hour flight home.  I will bring tissues.  Right now I am focused on being with him and how happy that is.  That is where I am going to leave this post for now...

I have a giant smile on my face.  I have to start gathering everything so I know what we have and what we need.  There are about 15 children at the orphanage, 8 that are matched with families.  I extended the offer to carry zip lock care packages to the matched children from their families, and Philip and I would put together care packages for the unmatched children so that all children would feel the love.  I am a master packer, so bring on the challenge!!  Now I worry if our luggage will make all our transfers!!

Oh the flooding thoughts, I love them all because it means I am going to Uganda to be with my son!!